


Forever

by minstreltroubadour



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-04-05 12:46:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14044554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minstreltroubadour/pseuds/minstreltroubadour
Summary: Jamie left Claire eight years ago and now he's here at her house. Will she take him back? Fair warning: Characterization might be different from the usual Claire and Jamie we know.





	1. The Unexpected Visitor

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello amazing people from the Outlander universe. This is my little attempt at a little angst. I've not much experience so I consider this a little experiment. Fair warning: this might seem a little out of character for Jamie but hope you give it a chance. My third Outlander fanfic - I'm continuing to write and hopefully, am getting a wee better. As always, comments and suggestions are always welcome! :)

It was a quiet night for Jenny as she took care of the house while Claire was away for a night out with her daughter. The house was dark with only the light in the room emanating from the moon. The evening has been pretty basic, with only a little bit of cleaning and laundry to do, she settled on the large, brown, leather sofa in the living room and took a nap. 

Loud and vigorous knocks awakened her from her slumber. Groaning at the disturbance, she stood up to open as many house lights as possible to sober her up, checked on her appearance and went for the door. She doesn’t know how many minutes or hours have gone by but she couldn’t care less to look at the clock just yet. The knocks suddenly became more violent, alarming Jenny. So instead of heading to the door, she checked side window to see who it is. 

“Is that you, Claire?” Jenny called out before opening the curtain just in case it was bad luck. 

“Let me in, Jenny!” she knew that voice anywhere and quickly looked out as a gasp escaped her throat. The knocks become more persistent and she tried to hide away deep in the house and away from the door. 

“Everybody’s asleep!” She nervously cried out. 

“Let me in, Jenny!” The knocks were becoming more frantic and Jenny knew if she let this on, the door will just break. With a hopeless sigh, she relented and prayed that tonight would end up okay. 

“Push the door open. It’s unlocked” 

Jenny pulled herself together, walked out the hallway and made herself known to the unexpected visitor. Jamie Fraser came in and Jenny eyed her him questioningly. His appearance was not presentable to anyone. He wore is clothes carelessly, his hair a little disarranged, his face had this most intense expression, probably turmoil, and he looked very tired.  

“Why do ye keep staring at me? Didn’t ye recognise your own brother?” Jamie tried to make his laugh sound more natural but it was to no effect. 

“I did. That’s why -“

“Why did you open so many lights? Didn’t the moonlight soothe this great evening? Make it a little more romantic?” Jamie interrupted before she asked the obvious question. 

 

“I just woke up and was too sleepy to head to the door. I needed the wake up from the blinding lights.”

“Ah, well then.”

“Jamie! why did you come?” Jenny finally asked. 

Jamie turned to the side and toyed with the light switches, lessening the brightness of the room. When it was in a normal amount, he leaned his shoulder to the wall and crossed his arms against him, his defense prepared.

“Where is she? Asleep already?” He asked.

“Claire is not home.” 

“Where is she, then?”

“Jamie, why did you come?!” Jenny asked with a little more force this time. He flinched a little on her sister's assertiveness but didn’t mind it altogether. He knew he deserved every bit of bitterness in her voice. 

“I had to!” He answered back with as much stress as her questions.

“No, you didn’t!” 

“Please, Jenny” 

“Ye came _now_ when… _she - “_ Jenny trailed hoping to make the obvious known. 

“Yes, _she_ died about two weeks ago” was Jamie’s slightly somber reply. 

“I know” Jenny casually said as she sat down in the sofa, gathering enough strength for this. Jamie's eyed widened with shock. He didn't know she was keeping tabs on him. After what happened, their relationship didn't exactly fall apart but rather just went stagnant and civil. They checked in from time to time but just to know the other is alive.  

“When? Who told you?!”

“It doesn't matter”

“And Claire?”

“Claire doesn't know anything!” alarm rose in Jenny’s voice. 

“Why not? She might as well, right?” Jamie scoffed off. “What difference will it make? She’ll ken about it eventually. As if I don’t know women! They can spread bad news as fast they can breath, no offense.” 

Jenny’s face turned red fury but she kept herself under control. As Jamie stared at her, she knew he saw the blaze of fury in her eyes. 

“You haven’t changed, brother.” She spoke calmly and quietly. “Still as callous and selfish as when we were bairns. When Mam and Da we alive, I remember them answering to your every whim, desire and never caring about anyone but yourself”. Jenny’s eyes followed Jamie as he pushed off the wall to walk around the house, trying to look for a place of solace but Jenny wasn’t having and giving it and she was not done. “When you left Claire eight years ago, I wasn’t surprised. Nope, no sir. I knew you were just behaving true to your type, true to your self-centered nature.”

“Are ye done now with the wee sermon?” Jamie stopped walking and stood across from her now. 

“Ye haven’t changed.” Jenny let out a soft grunt of disappointment and covered her face as tears welled up in her eyes. Jamie noticing this too his, took this as a chance to sit down beside her. 

“I am sorry, Jenny. I am.” He paused. “But ye put all the blame on me without knowing all the facts!” he said as he tried to reason rather than argue with her.

“Why did you come? Haven’t ye put us through enough suffering?” 

“Us?”

“Me, Claire, Brianna - “

“Didn’t ye think I was suffering too?”

“If you were, ye’ve never shown it.” 

Jamie waved his hand in dismissal. “Can anybody afford to bare his heart all the time?” 

Jenny stood up, afraid to take any more of this discussion. “Jamie, just please go! Go before Claire arrives!” She requested but Jamie made no move. 

“Does she still hate me?” Jamie asked quietly. 

Jenny turned around to now stand in front of her brother. “To be honest, we haven’t said yer name or discussed yer affair in this household since _that_ evening eight years ago.”

“Is she still bitter about it?” Came his follow up question. 

“She must be!”

“Did she tell ye that herself?”

“No but - “

“Then ye don’t know fully what her feelings are. You’re just supposing as well”

 “I can see it her eyes, brother. There is no denying what she thinks of ye.” Jenny clicked her tongue in disagreement. “And to come to her house - when _she_ , that woman - has been dead but two weeks!” Jenny knelt down held her brother hands in her own. “For the love of God, Jamie, please leave!” 

“I think I’ll wait for Claire to arrive” Jamie said intently, looking from their hands and now, straight on in her sister’s eyes. “I've changed. Ye don’t know me anymore, Jenny.”

Brown eyes met blue ones in an intense stare, daring each other to give up the fight. In that moment, Jenny saw his real purpose of coming tonight. “Oh my. Ye came to ask for Claire’s forgiveness, didn’t you?”

Jamie dropped their hands quickly and looked away. “I’d rather not answer your question.”

“Clearly, you don’t know Claire as well as you think you do.” Jenny said with a sarcastic scoff. 

“Has it ever occurred to you that Claire is still my wife? That she didn’t ask for a divorce and that our marriage was never annulled?” 

Jenny laughed so hard she knew it would sting him. “You still consider her your wife?! Abandoning her, with Brianna a little over a year old, and went ahead and lived with this _other_ woman? How daft do you think she is, Jamie!” She finished the recap of the story and hurting Jamie’s ego. 

“What time is Claire coming back?” he said in a stern voice that tried to sound affected by her revelation.

“Don’t change the subject!”

"Is she coming back soon?

“Not that it's any of your business but she went to the movies with Brianna”

“Oh, Brianna! How is she? Is she well? In good health?” 

“She’s nine now.”

“My daughter!” Jamie exclaimed as a light shone in his eyes. 

“Your daughter? She won’t remember you!” Tampering his excitement before it went anywhere. As much as he’s family, if Jenny had a say in it, she’d rather the father-daughter don't meet in person. He was never in her life as far as she was concerned and she was saving them both from heartbreak.

“Eight years is not a long time!” Jamie retorted angrily 

A knock on the door broke their building argument. “Jenny, are you there? Jenny!” Claire called out from the door.

Jenny and Jamie nervously stared at each other as the night promised itself to not be over.


	2. Defiance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire arrives home and sees Jamie for the first time in eight years.

“Leave, please. Pass by the kitchen door. Don’t make this hard on either of you.” Jenny pleaded with her eyes with all the intent she could as she motioned the way to the back door but Jamie wasn’t having it.  

“No, not now. She’s here now and I’m so close!” He said as he sunk himself in the chair that is facing away from the door, hiding himself for the time being. Jamie knew this was his chance and he will take it. 

“Jenny?” Claire call out once more, voice sounding a little worried and alarmed. 

“The door’s open, Claire!” Jenny called back as she looked at her brother one last time and huffed a sigh of resignation. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Jamie.”

They heard the door creak open followed by footsteps heading their way. Jenny walked closer to greet them while Jamie still hid in the shadows.

“Aunt Jenny! Aunt Jenny! You must hear about the movie we just watched, it was incredible there was a castle, a princess, a prince and so much pink!” Brianna, fiery red-head with blue eyes, reported in one breathing as she gave her aunt a hug. Claire followed right behind her. 

Claire was still fumbling in her bag looking for her keys and totally unaware of the state of the situation. “You left door unlocked, Jenny? Also, I can’t find my keys”. Claire was dressed in a white, long sleeve louse and denim skinny jeans paired with brown flats. Bree, on the other hand, was wearing a simple blue dress and sandals, with a denim jacket to pair. 

As Bree walked past Jenny, he noticed Jamie. “Good evening, Sir.” She called out remembering her manners to visitors. Claire lifted her head to see who she was addressing but Jamie was hidden by the chair. 

“Good evening, Brianna” he said to the little girl. Claire knew that voice. She looked at Jenny then shook her head in disbelief. When Jamie stood up revealing himself, Claire froze at the sight of him, eyes burning with resentment and instinctively, she grabbed Brianna by the arm and held her close to her, protecting her from whatever he brought in himself.

As the shock of his reappearance passed and waved through her, she just continued to stare at him. Hey eyes darted between him and Jenny urging someone to explain what the hell was going on. 

Jenny broke the tension. “Claire, I wanted ye to…” she said weakly. 

“Jenny, could you kindly put Brianna to bed. It’s past nine.” Claire said quietly pushing Bree towards her aunt. 

Bree protested the sudden change in plans. “But Mama! Tomorrow is Saturday, no class! And I’m not tired and sleepy!” 

“It’s late, Bree. Go to bed. _Now_ ” she said in a tone that challenged Bree’s defiance. She didn’t need to see her - and _him -_ in this. 

“You heard your Mama, let’s go” Jenny forcibly dragged Brianna to her room who made her displeasure known by stomping her feet all the way to her room until the door loudly slammed shut. 

With confidence that Bree will not overhear, Claire headed back to the dining table to fish out all the items in her bag to look for her keys. She decided to not make the first move, if possible, to not make any more, on this unwelcome visit. After all, why should she? She hadn’t heard from James Fraser in over eight years and she has made the effort to not speak of him, hear of him, be reminded of him, in the time that had passed and she was doing so well with it. So no, she will not acknowledge his presence unless she truly felt it necessary. 

Jamie just stared at Claire. He used to know her glass face so well but now, as he walked towards the table and stood across from her, she was a total stranger. _Eight years is not a long time!_ He remembered he’d said to Jenny earlier but now, he’s looking at Claire but is not seeing the woman he loved. At the moment, maybe, he thought, it might be all too much. He brought himself back form his thoughts and observed Claire. She still hasn’t addressed him by his name, his presence and now, as she rummaged through her bag, she acted like he’s invisible. The ball was in his court, he thought, and he will work his damnedest to score. 

“I came a few minutes ago” he said, breaking the silence and hoping to start a conversation.

“Yes?” She said while still going through her stuff, not looking at him. 

“I mean - I realize - that my presence here -  now…”

“Yes?” She asked more cooly, still avoiding eye contact.

“This might be quite a shock to you…” He tried again but he found that he it hurt to look at her disinterested face her as much as she doesn’t want to look at him. 

“You still haven’t given an explanation” she echoed back nonchalantly. 

Jamie paused and gathered his thoughts. The fact that she hasn’t thrown him out yet was a good sign still. “I wish I could find the words to tell you. I don’t know where and how to begin but here it goes. I came because - ” 

As Jamie took a deep breath, Jenny appeared and rushed towards Claire almost knocking her down “No, Jamie! Don’t!”

“What is it?” Claire asked, puzzled, looking at Jenny’s suddenly frantic mood. 

“He wants to tell you, Claire! He wants to tell you!” 

“Tell me what?” Claire focused on Jenny’s state. “Speak up, Jenny. Breathe for god’s sake!”

Jamie walked over to them, coming closer. “I wanted to tell you Claire that she -“ 

“He wants to tell you that _she_ died!” Jenny said ahead of her brother. Claire visibly startled, but for a moment, as she held a weeping Jenny in her arms. “I’m so sorry, Claire! I didn’t want you to know!”

“I understand, Jenny. Leave us alone, if you don’t mind” Claire requested as she walked Jenny over to her bedroom to calm down. When Claire found Jenny to be calm enough, she headed back out, going straight to the dining table where her items still laid unorganised. Jamie stood upon her re-entry as he tried to measure the tension but found that it’s not use as he was sure that this conversation will certainly blow over no matter where he begins. 

“Yes, _she_ is dead. _She_ died two weeks ago.” Jamie said simply, speaking first again. “Jenny knew about it and didn’t tell you”

“Of course, she wouldn’t.” Claire was surprised by her response. Not because of the words said but just the fact that she did. She’s been fighting so hard to not acknowledge his presence but maybe, eight years of bottled and uncontrollable rage and anger were bubbling up within her without her permission. She paused for a while, trying to put her emotions in check and order. “I am sorry, of course. Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?” she said with a voice rather void of emotion, making her internal self a little proud with how she’s handling this so far. 

“Yes.” He replied. 

“What is it, then?”

“I came - “

“Why did you come?”

“I don’t know, Claire…” Jamie sat himself down in the sofa, again. He had expected her indifference - but he also knew their love and hoped for a while that it would encompass everything that had happened in the past. Did he forget what he’s done? No. But did he somehow expect that she has forgotten? A little, yes. Was he sorry for it all? Absolutely. And he wanted Claire to know all this, for her to understand and listen to him once again. But Claire has put her armour on and prepared to fight and he should too, or else, this conversation will end even before it even started. 

“Tell me, frankly - why did you come?” She started insistingly. “Haven’t you hurt me enough? What other reason could you possibly have to be here now?”. She knew his stammering was stalling his departure and she doesn’t want him to stay any longer than he is now, so she’s taking control of the situation. This is a fight and she intends to win. 

“I wanted to see you again!” He said in panic and truth.  

“Is that all? Okay, you have seen me. You also came to say _she_ died, I know that now.” Claire stood up and walked towards the door to open for him. “I am tired and it’s past nine.” 

Jamie stood up to stop her. “I have one more thing. Please, just don’t let me go yet.” 

“What?” Claire replied unconcerned, holding the knob of her door. She was winning, this conversation is almost over and she can feel it. 

Jamie reached at his back pocket, opened his wallet and took out a piece of paper. “I have a letter for you”. 

“For me? From whom?” Claire asked, curious, as Jamie cautiously took a step forward and held out the piece of paper to her.

“From _her_ ” 

 


	3. Fight On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie and Claire reflect and confront each other about their lives the past 8 years.

“Would you prefer me to read it?” He asked softly, the letter still held out for her to accept. 

Claire stared at the paper at hand, unsure how to proceed. On one hand, she doesn’t want to do anything with him or _her_. She wants him to leave and if this was his last bullet, it could easily miss. On the other, this was a dead woman’s letter. Could she really not care less about it and deny _her_ the courtesy? She was mad, angry, raged and tired - but she couldn’t bring herself to the guilt of not granting the deceased last wish. Conscience won over emotions and Claire shrugged her shoulders, giving Jamie permission to continue.

-

_Claire,_

_I have but a few days to live and I want to settle my accounts before God and the world._

_I am sorry. Please forgive me and please forgive Jamie - everything was my fault. I deliberately took him from you in a moment of disastrous weakness - weakness on both my part and his._

_But Jamie never loved me - his kisses, caresses and life were always for you._

_It was only his deep pride that prevented him from coming back to you and because it was convenient for me, I cherished that pride and stopped him from seeing you._

_He has always loved you and he still does - believe me, I know. I could recall, at least, a thousand times he called you in his sleep. It hurt – it hurt to know that even after all these years, I could never be the the only woman in his life._

_A dying woman asks for your forgiveness, not only for herself but also for Jamie._

_-_

“ _She_ signed it before a priest” Jamie ended as he handed the letter to Claire who took it to read for herself. She read silently and gave it back to him a moment later.

“This is why you came?” She asked him, voice in a little disbelief. This is not the evening she planned for herself and yet, here she was. Ghosts are haunting her in both the living and in the dead.

Jamie just nodded, waiting for her to make sense of what is currently happening.

“And now?” She looks straight in his eyes for only the second time.

“I ken well, Claire, how I’ve treated you.”

“Eight years, Jamie. Eight years! You cheated on me, broke my heart, and left me with a kid!” Claire said forcefully. If he was going down this path, she wasn’t going down without a fight.

“Was I the only one to blame?” He argued. 

“Was I?!” She retorted back.

“I’m not saying that. If only you’d forgiven, understood, the mistake I made that night… “

“A mistake you made soon after our baby was born and you expect me to overlook it? Christ, do you hear yourself?!” Claire gave a rueful and sarcastic chuckle. She could not believe what she was hearing.

“I admit I was blind at the time. But you were so jealous, so suspicious, you misunderstood everything!” Jamie gestured and pointed with his hands. “But that was just the beginning – your unreasonable jealousy, the misunderstandings, they tore me apart!”

Claire just continued staring at anything besides him but she heard what he said. “Yes, I was jealous” she admitted, “That was because I love you – then. But you went to  _her_.” 

“I was weak!” Jamie said as he quickly stood up. “Can a man not fall occasionally?!”

“And the wife is expected to forgive and forget his every fall?!” another huff came out of Claire.

“Ye threw me out of the house and told me to never come back without even hearing anything that I have to say! You were so suspicious, ye wouldn’t let me touch you, ye’d give me the side-eye when I hold my daughter! In the end, ye didn’t even try to understand and never trusted me with anything again! I was so unhappy, Claire, did you not see it?”

She gave him another disgusted laugh. “So you went to _her_? Didn’t you even think of how I felt? Asked?!” Claire walked back from her door and went to the kitchen to get a dram. She didn’t offer one to Jamie – as far as she was concerned, he was leaving soon. Once the sweet ecstasy of alcohol flushed in her system, she calmed herself down and prepared herself for it to be over. “None of that matters now. This is over, we are over and I buried those memories like a death. We are living different lives now, I don’t know you and you don’t know me. So I ask you for the last time - is there anything else because if not, please leave my house.”

Jamie continued to sit down on the sofa, unmoved. “I came to ask you something.”

“To ask - yes?”

“Can’t you see?”

Claire refilled her glass and moved back to the living room. “You came to ask for my forgiveness?” She said as she run her hands through her face.

“No, not exactly that. I don’t expect you to forgive me, Claire, completely and fully. All I ask is - “

Then it dawned to Claire, the real reason he came.

“For a second chance, isn’t it? Claire said, nerved but calm.

“A last chance.” Jamie said firm and clear.

A scornful smirk showed at the edges of Claire’s lips. “How little you know me” she paused, momentarily, as she followed her line of question. “Why do you disturb my peace, Jamie?” She saw Jamie flinch as she said his name for the first time.

Then, he snapped.

“Peace?! Do you think I’ve known peace?!” Jamie’s voice went deep and loud as he stood up to let emotions run through him. Triggered by her question, something broke inside him. “I tried looking for it everywhere - in work, in drink, gambling, in solitude, even in women! Peace?! Sometimes, I just stay out and walk aimlessly going nowhere dragging my weary feet and wearier heart!” Jamie paced her living room and she just followed him with her eyes, surprised that she was even listening. “Often, I’d pass by your work hoping to catch a glimpse of you and one time, I saw you. I ran, hoping to catch you to say a few words, to talk to you, but you disappeared in the crowd just like that and I couldn’t find you anymore. That night, I cried - lying on my bed, I cried like a child. _She_ came in that night and asked me and I couldn’t tell her but _she_ knew. I knew _she_ knew.” Jamie let out deep sigh as if a weighty burden was finally lifted from his chest.

Claire, then, focused her eyes on the rim of her glass. She didn’t want to look at him as her mind and heart battled with each secret brought to light. Her eyes welled with unshed tears but she wouldn’t allow him to see it, not allow him to see her weakness. Unknowingly, he was slowly breaking down her walls and she knew it. She closed her eyes to push back the tears.

“Why didn’t you come back, then?” Claire asked, still refusing to look at Jamie.

“I couldn’t handle it, Claire. I was a coward, afraid you’d turn me away again and I couldn’t go through that again. The sadness, anger, hopelessness, despair, guilt, pride - “

“Ah,” Claire interrupted. “The things we destroy with our pride.” she said as her head lay low.

“And the things we can heal if we didn’t let pride interfere” Jamie said intently. He stopped walking around, looked at Claire and felt her defenses slowly breaking down. He closed the distance between them and knelt in front of her but he didn’t dare touch her yet.

“Don’t you see? It’s never to late to make amends in life. Should we let pride interfere in the healing of our wounds?”

Claire heard his words but still refused to look at him. “It’s too late, Jamie. Too late.”  With her head bowed low, she continued “As if an old wound could head with a few words of forgiveness”

“You’re not the only one hurt, not the only one bleeding! Please,” Jamie argued back. “Please, just give me another chance!”

Claire huffed a bitter laugh as she stood up and wiped the tears that she finally let fall, “No, my wound is beyond healing now. You hurt me to the very depths of my heart and soul, Jamie. When you left that night for that other woman, something _died_ within me.”

Jamie followed her and bravely put his hands on her shoulders, stilling her. “You loved me.”

“Once” she said weakly. Claire knew she’s slowly losing the battle but not yet. No, she could not lose this fight.

“Still” Jamie said.

“I don’t!” Claire still denied. She can’t help it. Jamie has always had a way to disarm her but he can’t just show up and expect everything to suddenly be okay.                                             

“Claire, look at me!”

“No!”

“You cannot have stopped loving me as I haven’t stopped loving you.” Jamie said as he pressed Claire closer to him, “I can still feel your heart beating with mine. You love me still, Claire! Say you do!”

His words were overwhelming all her senses and she let the tears freely fall in her eyes – there was no use in hiding it any longer. Eight years of walled emotions and here he was breaking her one revelation at a time. She can feel her legs buckling as he held her but she had to hold back. With what strength she had left, she pushed away from his embrace. “No, I don’t love you - now.”

Jamie caught sight of the necklace she was wearing and picked it up in his hands as she took a step away from him. “I gave this to you the night after got engaged.” He begun. “We took a vacation at my family’s estate up in the highlands, in Lallybroch, to tell them the good news in person, do you still ken? I took you riding until we were set on a view on top of a ridge that overlooked the farm. I pulled it out just as the sun was about to set and placed it around your neck.” He paused, the memory of such powerful feelings overwhelming them both. “I canna believe you still keep it, wear it – even after all these years. It just shows that ye haven’t forgotten, that ye still love me”

“No” Claire said, unable to pull away still from Jamie’s grasping arms.

“Why do you wear it then?” She heard him ask as she felt his breath in her hair.

“Certain memories -  now dead” Claire said somberly.

“Never. Memories ever fresh, breathing and living. I still love you, deeply, Claire.” Jamie said in finality as he pulled her ever closer.

For a while, Claire allowed herself to be once again be consumed by Jamie. Be consumed by his presence and by his love. She’d almost forgotten just how powerful their love was once and for a moment, wanted to forget why they weren’t together.

“Why did you come, Jamie?” Claire asked. “I was happy all these years.”

“No, ye weren’t. Ye were no happier than I was.” Jamie pulled away but held on to both her hands and they stood in front of each other, feeling the space, feeling the moment. “Just let me come back, Claire.”

“Eight years of heartbreak, loneliness and tears”

“Years of heartbreak for me, too. I was lonely, too, ye ken. Let that be my punishment”

As easy as Claire fell into Jamie’s arms tonight was the wave of realization and understanding that hit her like a canon. He possibly couldn’t just expect himself to be absolved of his sins just because he felt sad about what he has done – it wasn’t that easy and he couldn’t and wouldn’t get away that easily. His pain was nothing compared to what she had to go through when he left her for _another woman_. It was the ultimate humiliation and Claire had to endure all the judgment for herself in the past eight years.

“No, it can’t be. It mustn’t be” Clare drew her hand away from Jamie’s and hardened her face to a steel. Jamie, hearing her rejection, put up his wall again and braced for another fight.

“I hope you haven’t forgotten that I am still yer husband” Jamie put down another card.

“Legally, in the eyes of the state. But in the eyes of God, you broke the sacred contract binding us in marriage.” Claire raised an eyebrow at how shallow his new argument was. “I haven’t, for since you went away I’ve lived alone with Jenny and my daughter, Brianna”

“Our daughter!” Jamie retorted angrily. “And ye, yerself, refused the money I was giving you!”

“I had to!” Claire eyes flared. “It wasn’t merely pride – it was deeper. I wanted to prove to the world that I could bring up my child alone. You have no idea how people pitied me – sometimes with a mix of their joyful scorn at my situation. I got used to it after a while and eventually, I learned to just shrug it off to the side.”

Fresh tears fell from her face with memories of people who reveled at her misery but she quickly turned around and wiped them away. “At first, there were night when I wept, crushed by the unbearable loneliness – of not having you, not having the life we planned, of Bree not having her father, us not having our family. There were days when I would convince myself that what you did did didn’t matter as much as it used to, didn’t hurt as much as it used to. I would sometimes grab the phone and attempt to call you, beg you to come back just because I missed you so much and I missed the life we had.”

With a nod, she turned around and once again, faced Jamie with a courage she didn’t even know she could muster. “And a little while ago, while you had me in your arms, I almost weakened – I…I nearly forgave you, nearly accepted you back. But it was a passing weakness – like a whiff of a perfume, it brought back pleasant, beautiful, heartbreaking memories – but also, like a whiff of a perfume, it faded away and I finally came back to my senses. My heart may have momentarily blinded me but I awoke just in time. I won’t weaken again, I promise you. I won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I am so sorry it took me long to update. Second, I just want to thank those who have read this recently and urged me to continue this story forward. I almost deleted this story because I thought no one read it - but this new wave of encouragement really pushed me on. Third, I wasn't really sure about this chapter - I somehow felt it to be kinda rushed in some places. Would love to know what you guys thought about the flow of the story for this chapter just so I can gauge what changes can be made in the next :) 
> 
> As always, your comments and suggestions are always welcome and appreciated! 
> 
> A little Chapter 4 spoiler: Of course, I couldn't make an angsty J/C fanfic if one Frank Randall doesn't show up somewhere! 
> 
> STAY TUNED! :)


	4. Another Unexpected Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another visitor drops by Claire's home and Brianna makes an appearance.

In the stillness of the deep of the night, the ticking of the clock rang loud in the silence that soon filled the room as Claire and Jamie stood quiet in front of each other. Their previous outburst had them leaving to compose themselves.

Jamie sat down thinking about what Claire had said. It was valid and justified and it was his mere assumption that their feelings were stronger than any disagreement they’d have tonight. He’d been wrong to assume that after 8 years, everything might’ve slowly died down and be forgotten.

Claire for her part, went back to to kitchen to fix herself another dram of alcohol. A weight should be lifted in her heart as she said the words she’d hoped meant closure for Jamie’s chapter in her life – but it wasn’t relief she felt but the pain, yet again, just as strong as the day he left her.

“How hard you’d become.” Jamie said heartbreakingly once Claire came back to the room.

“I wasn’t eight years ago.”

“But our daughter, Brianna…”

“She is my daughter – mine! Do you hear me? I brought her up and she belongs to me and me alone. She has never known you.” Claire clarified, voice filled with a protectiveness that Jamie didn’t get.

“She must remember me. She was over a year old when I left!”

“Yes, over a year old – not old enough to remember a face that was scarely there even in the first few months of her life. Besides, I told her that her father was…” Claire hesitated to continued and it made Jamie look up from where he sat.

“What did you tell her?” Jamie asked but Claire remained tight-lipped. “What did you tell her, Claire?”

Annoyed by his insistence she let it out. “I told her that her father is dead! There! Happy?!”

A little piece inside Jamie broke. Her daughter doesn’t know her and will never know her. Another light inside of him must’ve sizzled out and added itself to the ash weight in his heart of the finality of losing his family. He had nothing to live for anymore. Claire just confirmed it.

“I can’t believe you told her that” Jamie said, defeated.

“What did you expect me to tell her? That her own father…” she just trailed off, unable to finish the ridiculous notion.

“But _she_ is dead! The _other woman_ is dead!” Jamie insisted, still.

“So is my husband dead to my daughter!” Claire couldn’t understand why _her_ dying justified his coming back. “Also, what does that have to do with anything? Dear, god. This conversation is going nowhere. Leave, please. This is over” Despite their years apart, Claire knew that as calm as Jamie seemed, there was a fury bubbling inside him at her confession and she had to tread carefully or else she’ll fall again to his words and promises.

Another beat, another second hung between them. Jamie was still sitting in the sofa and Claire was in the kitchen threshold across from him. Distance – that’s what they needed.

“I don’t believe it.” Jamie broke the silence once more. “I don’t believe that Brianna won’t recognize me.” This was his last chance and he had to push it as far as he could. If Claire shut him out, her daughter was the last part of them that he has and he wasn’t letting it go without a fight.

Claire saw the opening Jamie paved and decided it was the only way for everything to be settled. “And if she doesn’t?”

Jamie paused to think. He honestly wasn’t expecting Claire to consider. “If she doesn’t, then – then I shall go away and never come back. Never see you, never contact you, just as you want.”

“And if she does?” Claire asked. It had to be a fair fight or else – no technicalities.

“If she does then I shall…”

Just before Jamie could finish his sentence, Jenny came back in the room. By the look on her face, she was nervous to interrupt but Claire gave her a short smile to indicate it was okay. This was not her problem but she made it to her own because Claire and Jamie are close to her heart and was torn with how they handled things. Jenny wasn’t eavesdropping on their conversation – she simply couldn’t handle listening to their heartbreak. Instead, she stayed with Brianna in her room the entire time until a knock on the door caught her attention.

“Jenny, what is it?” Claire asked sweetly as if nothing was going on.

“It’s Frank.” Jenny said nervously, gazing between me and Jamie.

“Frank?” Claire clarified.

“He said that you left some papers at the office this afternoon. He’s downstairs, actually.” Jenny said, looking at Jamie who appeared to be unmoved by Frank’s sudden coming.

This night could’ve not turned any more unpredictable. Jamie was here and now, so is Frank. Though she was aware of his interest on her, she doesn’t consider Frank as someone special in her life, someone she could say she has a special connection with. He is just a good friend and he is good to Brianna - she appreciated him that much – but not enough to even spark some vague suggestion of a romance. However, she was also sure that Jamie would not see it that way.

“Tell him to just come up” Claire said, just putting whatever will happen next to the universe. “Also, is Bree still up?”

Jenny couldn’t help the smile that ran across her face. Brianna was a bright light, an exceptional child with a wonder and curiosity to the world that you just had to see it through her eyes – well, maybe that’s just how children are but you would think that your own is the most special one. “She is. She’s been telling me all about the play ye just watched. Couldn’t go to bed until her story is finished.”

“Do you mind bringing her in later?” Claire asked and Jenny’s brows furrowed in further question but Claire wouldn’t give it. “Just bring her in, Jenny.”

“Fine.” Jenny said as she left to tend to their new guest and Bree.

There was no point in holding back so Jamie pushed his luck. “Do you mind if I ask who Frank is?”

“Oh, he works with me in the same office. A good friend of mine and Brianna likes him very much.” She said, nonchalant. “I’ve known him about three years now.”

“Do ye want me to just come back tomorrow?” He had asked, hoped, at least, he’d have time to think things over, for Claire and him to sleep on their argument, for a chance to see her again.

“No, stay” Claire replied and Jamie just settled back to the couch, his body away from the door. This conversation would end tonight and she would see to it. Jamie gave her a challenge and tough luck on him, she knew she was going to win it.

Frank entered the room with a big brown envelope in hand. “Sorry to bother you at this late hour, Claire, but the boss wants these papers ready by tomorrow. You know how he can be with deadlines.”

“Thank you, Frank. I was in such a rush to leave the office I forgot all about it” Claire said, examining the contents of the envelope, all the while mentally assessing how much she could accomplish tonight. Oh, if Jamie would just leave.

“Oh, I didn’t know you had a visitor.” Frank broke through her thoughts as Jamie stood and made his presence known. With both men standing to their full height, Claire could not help but compare both men. Jamie is Scottish while Frank was British. Frank was tall but not as tall as Jamie, built a little less than Jamie but muscular still, he looked very presentable and distinguished versus Jamie’s disheveled look from the long night. However, Jamie is quite more handsome than Frank, she’d give him that – only that – but to Claire that was the last thing that mattered.

Jamie eyed Frank, too, and all he thought was that Frank is not at all Claire’s type.

“Frank, I want you to meet Jamie. Jamie, this is Frank Randall” Claire introduced them, unsure why she is even bothering but here they all were. Jamie approached Frank and they shook hands.

“How do you do?” Frank began. “I am sorry. I didn’t quite catch your name”

“Jamie Fraser”

“Fraser? You mean?” Frank suddenly realized who Jamie was he flitted gazes between the two of them in question and apparent answer. Claire had told him about Jamie in one drunk honesty night but Frank didn’t really get much information except for a brief story of what had gone down. He never asked her again to clarify because as far as Frank Randall was concerned, Jamie Fraser was nonexistent in her present narrative.

“I’ll try and type these tonight” Claire replied, totally avoiding Frank’s question. “Oh, I took Brianna to the show tonight.”

“Oh, good. Did she like it? Never mind, I’ll just ask her myself. Is she asleep?

Claire shook her head and Frank made a way to Bree’s bedroom but stopped briefly to ask for permission. “Could I see her? I promised to take her to the park last week but I forgot all about it. I could go to her room…?”

Frank made a dash again but Jamie quickly blocked his way, surprising both Claire and Frank. “Mr. Randall, I believe wee Brianna is asleep.”

“But Claire just said – “

“I dinna want to seem rude but it’s quite late and the lass is tired.”

“You may go in, Frank.” Claire commanded without looking at Jamie. This was her house, her daughter, and her life and she gets the final say – not Jamie.

“Forgive my curiosity, Mr. Randall, but doesn’t it seem rather strange for a man to be in a lady’s house at this late hour?” Jamie butted. Frank Randall gave a sarcastic huff and both Jamie and Claire knew that he would not easily back down.

“You’ll also pardon my curiosity, Mr. Fraser, if I take the liberty of asking you the same question.”

“Ye ken who I am, I am still Claire’s husband.” Jamie, somehow, proudly said.

“No, he is not.” Claire interrupted but Jamie huffed back, ignoring the way Claire rolled her eyes on him.

“Do we have to discuss this in public?” Jamie asked, turning to Claire but she just gave him the side-eye.

“If you mean before Frank, I don’t mind. You brought the matter up yourself –“  she was not saving him on this one and she reveled at how unsure and disarmed Jamie was being around Frank.

Jamie knew that he was not getting any help from his wife and that both of them, Frank and Claire, are enjoying conniving against him. “To answer yer question, I am here at this late hour, Mr. Randall, because Claire and I are still legally married.”

“And may I remind you that you abandoned your wife eight years ago.” Frank, casually, said back. “But if you must know, Claire and I work at the same office. We are good friends and I already come here often because I enjoy Brianna’s company – and hers.” He said as he pointed to Claire who was slightly embarrassed by it all.

Jamie took a step back as he processed it all. This man has not only known Claire for three years but he was a man she allowed to spend time with his daughter. A daughter who may or may not remember him, a daughter than didn’t need to remember him because she, probably, had another male figure in her life to fill the one he’s left. Frank’s words were quick to blow him and he had one more up his sleeve.

“Mr. Fraser, it’s not impossible for an unmarried man to form a friendship with a fine young woman without people maliciously misinterpreting their relations, however, innocent.”

Claire knew the rage Jamie was feeling inside and knew that he was almost ready to jump on Frank and give him a beating. However, all was set aside when a little girl’s voice floated to the room and her presence calmed everything down.

“Mama, mama!” Brianna ran to her mother as she entered the living room but once she saw Frank, she made a dash for him instead and crushed herself to him in a hug. “Frank! Why didn’t you take me to the zoo last Sunday?”

Jamie’s heart shattered another million pieces at the sight but he had to keep it together. The battle is still long.

“I’m sorry, Bree. I was very busy last week, extra work at the office. Ask your mama, she knows – but I told her I’ll take you tomorrow”

“Yay! It’s Saturday, no class!”

“Your mama told me you went to see a play, how did it go?”

“It was super fun – it had everything from all the elements, fire, water, earth, air! You can feel it all around and the acrobats were amazing and – “ Brianna recalled to Frank in excitement but her mother intervened. There is a pressing matter that needed to be done first.

“Frank, won’t you like some ice cream? Jenny will take you to the kitchen” she motioned for them to move to the other room. Frank and Jenny looked at each other and knew they had to leave. However, Bree, young as she was, didn’t get the hint at all.

“Frank, will you help me with my homework? We have to draw the world map and I can’t do it!”

Frank looked from Bree to Claire and knew he had to be the one to end the conversation, or else, Bree would just go on and on. “I’ll help you later. Now, I’ll just go get ice cream. Would that be okay?”

Bree seemed to be appeased. “Sure! I already had 3 cups tonight!” she said, then, she let Frank go to the other room.

It was now only Claire, Jamie and Bree. For the first time, Jamie allowed himself to be consumed by the sight of his daughter. He had not seen the lass since she was a wean and now, she stood, beautiful and graceful, her long red hair flowing. He almost cried at how much she looked like him and his mam.

“Mama, why doesn’t Frank come more often? He comes only on the weekends and sometimes he doesn’t even stay for lunch.” Brianna’s question broke Jamie’s lovely thoughts. Another blow and this one was unintentional. He couldn’t blame Bree for it but it, nonetheless, was another blow to his gut. 

Claire kneeled down to be on eye level with her daughter. “I told you, he has a house of his own and somebody has to live with his mother.”

“Why don’t you marry again, mama? After all, papa is dead.” Brianna asked her mother like it was the most natural thing a nine-year old girl asks. Claire’s shock was oblivious to her daughter but not to Jamie as they looked at each other. As if her night could not get crazier, her daughter just joined the party. She didn’t know what to say but thankfully, Brianna did. She followed Claire’s eyes and turned around. “Oh, you’re still here, sir?” she asked at seeing Jamie.

This was it, the answer to the challenge Jamie called her on earlier in the evening – their last stand.

Claire rose and introduced them. “Bree, I must keep Frank company. This is, uhm, a – a friend of mine.”

“Hi!’ Bree cheerfully greeted.

“Hello” Jamie replied, offering his hand which Brianna shook. Jamie wanted to hold on to Bree’s hand forever but he couldn’t – not right now. Reluctantly, he let go.

Claire drunk the sight before her. For a second time that night, she allowed herself to forget the past and let her mind wander to the life she thought she’d be living right now – her husband, her daughter, together. Them, a family. The two redheads looked at each other with wonder and awe. All these hope and she felt the tears threatening to fall in her eyes. She had to get away as soon as she can before she begs this dream of a life back.

“You entertain him until I come back?” she asked her daughter who nodded enthusiastically. Claire gave a nod to Jamie in understanding then she left.

Brianna wasn’t a shy and she easily got along with people. Maybe it was because she used to be around them growing up when she brought her to work. Claire was fortunate that her job allowed her to raise Bree within its walls and her colleagues had been one of the best support groups, taking turns in looking out for Bree when she was called in or in a meeting.

A few years later, Jenny offered to stay with her and take care of Bree and she agreed. She might’ve hated Jamie for what he did but Jenny Fraser was a woman you couldn’t say no to – plus, Jenny didn’t remind Claire of Jamie and Jenny didn’t reminder her of him. For some surprising reason, them living together brought up no issues.

“You’ve never been here before, have you, sir?” Bree asked and Jamie shook his head. He sat down on the floor, crossing his legs while Brianna sat in front of him on the coffee table, making them level eye to eye. “What’s your name, sir?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I incredibly appreciate and am encouraged by the comments the story received in the last chapter. I know this isn't the easiest storyline to read and follow but the fact that you guys actually read this story and take time to comment about it is just heartwarming to me. 
> 
> I have the plot line laid down but as I saw in the previous chapter, a lot of you guys have been asking for a backstory or something from Jamie's POV about just explaining why he's characterised as such. I see them and am definitely thinking about it. It wasn't part of my original plan to explain away but considering the story, I might have to - before I close it all, maybe. 
> 
> What do you guys think? A back story? :) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. You are giving and sending love to this girl in what seems to be a most trying time in her life. So, thank you. 
> 
> Chapter 5 coming soon.


	5. The Challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jamie and Brianna gets a chance to talk.

“What’s your name, sir?” Brianna asked again as she stared at Jamie just looking at her.

Jamie could feel his heart beating out of his chest. He was nervous talking to his daughter like this – not because she was his daughter but the gravity of the bet he just challenged Claire on. He had to tread lightly or else it will not be a fair contest for either of them.

“Oh, my name? Erm, Just call me…” Jamie must’ve made a face as he thought of a lie. He couldn’t very well say his real name as he didn’t know of how much else Claire told Bree about her – apparently – dead father. 

“You forget your name too? I know I sometimes do.” Bree said, saving Jamie of having to make something up. “Like today, I forgot my homework in math.” She informed him and Jamie wanted nothing but to savor his time with his daughter. He wanted to pull her to him, hold her close and never let her go but there were more pressing matters at hand.

“What did yer teacher do then?”

“She asked me to stay after class.” His daughter replied as she played with a loose thread in the shirt of her pajama.

“So ye’ve a poor memory then?” Jamie asked back. It seemed like a natural progression of the conversation but it seemed like the wrong one to ask for his goal in mind.

“Yes, sir! But Frank never forgets - well, except last week when he forgot to take me to the zoo.” Brianna explained and Jamie’s heart just sank a bit. Clearly, Frank has been a big influence in her life and was not shy about sharing about him to anyone, apparently. He should’ve been that male figure in her life not that _Frank_.

 “What grade are ye in, Brianna?” He asked, hoping it’ll be a neutral topic for a while he thought of where to interject his _real_ questions.

“Fifth. How about you, sir?” 

Jamie laughed. “I’m not studying anymore but I did when I was younger. I am a businessman”

Brianna’s eyes lit up with this information. “How lucky you are to not study anymore. And a businessman? Mama, said that my papa was a businessman too!”

Jamie finally found his opening, again, thanks to Brianna and he will take it.

“Your papa? Is your papa –? “ Jamie trailed, not wanting to say the words but Bree was smart and understood enough.

“My papa died a long time ago. In a car accident” Brianna sounded sad but rather unaffected.

“Do ye remember how he looked like?”

“Mama said he was very handsome but I never saw any pictures of him. Mama said all pictures of him got lost in a fire when I was small.”

“So, ye don’t remember his face?”

“Oh no, sir. I don’t. Not very well.” She said. “Well, I remember, when I was very small, we had a picture of papa on he table and then one day, mama took it and tore it to pieces. I was probably in kindergarten, then.”

Jamie tried not to get affected by the story of Claire’s anger to him but Bree, like the half-Scot she is, was a natural storyteller and was not at all shy at outing her mother even to people like him – even a stranger. He tried to get Brianna to focus on him again and it was not at all hard as the lass seem to finally see him, look at him and seem rather curious about him as if she was seeing something else in him – something that was clearly familiar to her but she couldn’t place. Finally, Jamie asked the most burning question in his mind.

“Tell me, Brianna. If ye’re papa was alive, would you recognize him?” Jamie asked then swallowing the lump in his throat as he waited for her answer.

“Papa, alive?” Brianna stayed silent for a few seconds, clearly and honestly thinking about if she could. After a few beats, she replied. “No, sir. I don’t think I could recognize him. You see, I never knew him. All I know is that his name was James and my name was for his papa - my grandpa – Brian, that’s why my name is Brianna. Other than that, I don’t know anything about him.”

Jamie held his breath one last question. “Is my face familiar to ye, lass?” She looked at him straight in eye and Jamie prayed that she felt and/or confess a little resemblance to him.

“No, sir. I’m sorry. We’re you a friend of papa?” Bree said, her forehead furrowing in what seems to be unconventional questions.

And then, that was it. Brianna doesn’t know or remember Jamie as her father at all and it broke him apart. Everything was lost to him and he had no one to blame but him - not Claire, not Jenny, not Bree and not even _her_. He smiled at Bree and decided to just enjoy the last minutes he he will ever have with his daughter.

“Do you miss your papa, my child?” There was no point in reaching for the impossible so Jamie had the courage to ask it. He wanted to know.

“Why do you call me ‘my child’?”

“Och, nothing. I just forgot your name again” He said, pretending to laugh embarrassingly for her their sake. Bree seem to accept the mistake and went along.

“I miss papa very much. I wish I had one. I am always telling mama to get married.” She informed him.

“Married? To whom?” he asked but somehow, he should’ve seen her answer coming.

“I like Frank” Bree said. “He takes me to shows, buys me chocolates, and once he took me out to a nice restaurant and we had a strawberry sundae! I think he spent way too much money for a desert and I saw him slip the waited a hundred-dollar bill! Why doesn’t she marry Frank?”

Jamie thought she was either too young to understand the concept of marriage or too mature to even have her suggesting it to her mother but his daughter was brilliant and he was sure she knew what she was talking about – bottomline, she wanted her mother to be happy and in the process, she’d be happy to have that father in her life whoever he may be.

“Did he ever take your mama?” It was taking everything Jamie had in him not to break at this point. 

“No, uhm, yes, once. I think they went to the theater but it hasn’t happened since, I think.”

Jamie stood up and turned away from Bree but she quickly sensed his discomfort. “What did I do, sir? Are you angry? I’m sorry.” Bree said, concerned for her behavior as it was in her nature to hurt anyone – unlike her father.

Jamie looked down at his daughter and quickly changed his expression from frustrated to comfort. “No, I’m not angry, wee Bree” Jamie remembered that how she used to call her as his small baby and now she’s on her way to her teenage years and Jamie as missed all her childhood milestones – just because he was a coward. A coward to be true to himself, his wife, his daughter, their family and now, the consequences are weighing themselves down on him, crushing him. Brushing these thoughts, he pulled a hundred-dollar bill from his wallet and handed it to Bree.

“Is this mine?” Bree said in wonder like she won the lottery.

“Yes, lass. Take it. It’s yours.”

“Oh my, wait till I tell mama!” Bree almost made a dash for Claire but he softly grabbed her by her arm to stop her.

“No, you must not show it to her.” Jamie said then thought further. “Spend it tomorrow with Frank at the zoo. If he asks, then ye can tell him I gave it to ye.”

“Thank you, sir! But I still don’t understand why you’re giving this to me?” Bree examined the bill then turned to him.

Jamie knelt once again to be face to face with his daughter. He lightly traced her features in the air and thankfully, she did not flinch at the gesture. “Let’s just say that I knew a lass once and she looked like ye.”

“Where is she?” Brianna asked, a genuine concern in her voice.

“Och, it doesna matter, mo chridhe.” He said softly.

“How can I thank you, sir?”

“Ye wouldna want to be kissed, would ye?” Brianna made a face at this suggestion and Jamie laughed. “Alright, let’s shake hands then.” He said as he stuck his hand and she took it. However, Jamie couldn’t help himself. He pulled Bree into a tight hug as he whispered gaelic words of blessing to his child one last time.

“Will ye call your mama, Bree?” he asked as he let her go.

“Sure!” Bree left for the kitchen calling out for Claire and then they both appeared again. Bree was holding Claire by the hand, pulling her towards the living room. For the last time, Jamie took a good look at his lasses – what he wouldn’t give to have them both in his arms again but now, it’s clear to him that that they will never be returned to him again. He was holding in so much in his heart but this was a memory he’d like to take and seal in forever.

“Bree, Aunt Jenny left some ice cream for you then off to bed. Frank will pick you up tomorrow at four in the afternoon for your trip to the zoo.” Claire informed her daughter.

“Yes! Thank you, mama!” and with that, Bree quickly left for the kitchen without bidding goodbye to the stranger in their living room.

Claire moved further in the room but did not dare look at Jamie. She already knew the outcome but to see the pain in his eyes – she couldn’t handle that yet. As much as she hated Jamie for what he did, she did lie to their daughter and robbed her of having a father she can run and depend on in spite of what he’s done. And for Jamie, she robbed him of the opportunity to be in his daughter’s life, a chance to be father, try and agree on something for the sake of their child despite their troubles as a couple. Both of them never had and never have memories of each other and that, she will admit, was, mostly, on her.

Jamie, in his part, had his back turned to her, unwilling to see the satisfaction in her face as he said his next words. “You’ve won, Claire. My own daughter did not recognize her father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this little fanfic of mine. I feel very blessed by your feedback. Always love hearing your comments and suggestions. :) There's one last chapter up ahead so hold on tight!


	6. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's now time for Claire and Jamie to decide how to truly move forward? Will she take him back or keep them apart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter of Forever. My first multi-chapter fic done and I am so bloody proud and happy. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for loving this (as frustrating as it was but I think a little place to channel out angst is welcome, somehow?). And thank you for your comments and support that truly help validate and encourage me to write more and be better. I could not have written this or finished this without you. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. As always, comments and suggestions are always open! :)

“I’m afraid that it’s then. There’s nothing else to say.” Claire began halting Jamie’s intention of moving closer to her.

Still stunned from his encounter with Brianna, Jamie tried to find solid ground in his breaking emotions. “Ye raised her well. She is very intelligent.” He tried to divert the one common thing that still – and will always – have. Jamie saw Claire’s lips twitch in a small but genuine smile. She must be feeling the same pride he had with their child.

“Oh yes. She is very intelligent, though, it might be annoying sometimes when she doesn’t stop asking questions.” He heard a small laugh that he will reserve to memory for the rest of his life. “But I can’t take all the credit. Jenny is as much responsible to her upbringing as I am”

“I’m proud of her. And I am proud of you, too, Claire.” Jamie said as he briefly walked away. Claire closed her eyes and kept his words to her heart. She didn’t know why but something tugged inside her when he said it, like it was a confirmation she didn’t know she needed and it felt so good to be validated by him. However, emotions run fast too and she was focused again to what is their current situation.

“Well, goodbye, then, Jamie” she said in farewell.

“Ye willna change yer mind about this?” Jamie asked and Claire shook her head.

 “Are ye truly happy in this place?” He followed and she nodded her head.

“Can’t I do something? Why won’t you forgive me? Other women – “

“Yes, Jamie, other women – wives, even – will easily forgive her erring, unfaithful, husband because for centuries, women are taught and brought up to be dependent to man, to be someone in the background, to be a follower. But if you think I am like that, Jamie, then maybe you don’t know me at all.”

Jamie gave a Scottish shrug in immediate defense but Claire continued on.

“When you left your daughter and me eight years ago, you forced me to step up and be somebody I never planned on being. A wife submerges her personality, her life, with her husband, thereby losing her own. And I did just that, Jamie. I lost myself in you because I wanted to, I wanted you, and I loved you that much. I wanted to be a good wife to you, raise children with you, build a family with you, and I expected you to keep your vows to me – to protect me, to love me, to secure me. But know this too. When you left, I took my life back from you. I was not going to be a _wife_ anymore. Instead, I decided to be a mother to Brianna, be both parents to my child and at the same time, I decided to be an individual. I cultivated my self-respect back, looked hard to find decent work and make my way back in the living. I know what people are going to say about me for the rest of my life for what you did to me – that something must be wrong with me because my husband left me and I will never live that down. In some way, the failure of our marriage will be my fault because that is just how society will see it. But as painful as that is, I’d rather live with that hurt than be with you again.” Claire said her peace and turned away from Jamie. She finally had a chance to say all the reasons she’d been telling herself to keep it together. Her mantra. Her reason for living. She was strong, she can go through this.

“If we live again, I promise, you can be whatever you want to be” Jamie pleaded again. 

“Never again”

“Why are you forcing yerself to a lonely life?” Jamie said and Claire did not like his tone. She turned around  to look at him again - and what was sympathy in her eyes earlier was back into full blaze anger. She took a step toward him and looked him sternly in his face.

“Kindly remember that I did not force this loneliness upon myself.” She said in restrained anger. “You did.”

“But what if someday – “

Claire interrupted him again.

“That someday I shall regret this decision? Perhaps. But if I do, I shall blame no one but myself. But I have Brianna and my work, I’m sure I can easily distract myself. Don’t worry about me, Jamie. I can manage myself.”

“And what of my loneliness?”

Claire could almost laugh but she was too tired to do so. All she gave him was a knowing stare.

“That is of your making, Jamie.”

And now, Jamie realized, in the dead of the night, he was nothing anymore. He had no wife, he had no child and he had no family. This was the end of the line and there was nothing else he could do. It’s time to get out of this house.

“Won’t you accept some kind of monetary support?” he asked as he walked his way towards the door. 

“For me, no. For Brianna, if you wish.”

“I shall arrange it tomorrow with my lawyer.” He said. Jamie stared at her even if she refused to look at him. “Will I ever see her again?”

“If you wish to destroy her life.”

“What?” Jamie felt offense at that and had to argue about it.

“Brianna is growing up, soon she’ll know that truth. If she does now, what good would it do? I don’t think she’ll want you either. Us lying to her will embitter her for the rest of her life. So, no, I think it’s better that you make no contact with her, please.” Claire said politely as she finally looked up at Jamie, a single solitary tear falling on his cheek. “Secrets in this world, however, hidden, will come out eventually. You and I can travel the lonely road ahead of us but let’s save Brianna the same penalty. She is not to blame.

“But? – “

“Oh, what is the use of regrets now, Jamie?” she said in finality. Claire watched as realization flooded him and at that moment, she truly felt sorry for him. She knew he was on the verge of breaking down but she can do something to ease the pain a bit. Claire walked towards him and in the process, took off the necklace she has worn the past eight years – a promise of Jamie’s love being returned and released to its bind. “Here” she opened his palm – the last time they’ll ever touch - and placed the locket in it. “In this locket is a picture of Brianna”

Jamie opened it and not only it contained a picture of Bree but of Claire’s too. He was wise enough not to comment on it anymore and just be grateful. No words were needed to be said anymore so Jamie just stared at Claire’s face – memorizing it – as she was doing his as well. With a sync nod, they broke apart. 

“Jenny!” Jamie called out and his sister appeared once again. He was sure she’d been eavesdropping on them the entire night but he don’t mind. If anything, he doesn’t keep secrets from his sister, might as well, let her on this one in the front row. Jamie opened his arms and Jenny all but ran towards his chest and held him close to her. Claire stepped back to give the siblings a moment.

Jamie leaned down to his sister’s ear and whispered. “As always, ye were right, dear sister. I shouldn’t have come” Jenny gave Jamie a slap in the back and he softly chuckled. “Thank ye for taking care of them. I am so grateful to ye. I love ye, always.” Jenny could simply not stop crying tonight. He pulled away and headed for the door.

Just as he was about to leave, Jamie turned back to inform them of one last thing. “I am moving back to Lallybroch. I thought I’d start the lumber business back, I think tis for the best.”

“I know ye’ll be a success, brother” Jenny called out and Jamie nodded in acknowledgment.

“Take care” he said and made to leave.

“Goodbye, Jamie” Claire said in farewell.

“Forever” he whispered as he passed the threshold of the home of his former family. It was all bittersweet.

“Forever” she replied back quietly.

And just like that, the long night was over. Jamie was gone just as she asked and just as she wanted. Regret filled her but she figured that the moment was raw that’s why she was feeling too much.

“Mama!” Brianna called suddenly and Claire had to compose herself back as to not worry her daughter with however she might’ve looked. “Mama, who was that man? Where is he? He was so kind! Who was he?” her daughter asked in rapid succession.

“He’s just an old friend of Mama’s, Bree. He’s going back to his own house too. Now, go to bed. It’s very late”

“But who was he? What’s his name?”

“I’ve forgotten his name already, love. Now, go to your room or no zoo for you tomorrow.”

Brianna shrugged and headed for her bedroom.

Once she was sure that her daughter’s door was slam shut, the night turned eerily peaceful but Claire felt otherwise. Claire stood dejectedly trying hard to control her feelings and emotions. Jenny stood a few feet across from her, waiting for her to do something, say anything, to just move from the frozen place she found her in.

Slowly, Claire broke down and knelt to the floor, unable to hold herself much longer. Her tears came in rapid flows that she did not even try to stop. She was surprised at how much she was feeling but could not do anything about it if she wanted to. Jamie always had that effect on her and reality is hitting her hard at what just transpired and what they just agreed.

Jenny ran beside her and tried to hold her up but she was too tall. Rather, she hugged her and let Claire rest herself upon her, be her anchor in the storm that her mind and heart is going through. Claire cried bitterly, desperately and slowly sank herself to oblivion – well, at least, for tonight.

“He gone” Jenny said the obvious but something that she thought Claire needed to hear both to hurt and heal her.

“Forever” Claire said heartbreakingly.

_Forever._


End file.
